Look, we know zombies are coming.  That truth’s been universally acknowledged. What we don’t know is when. And so the key to surviving the inevitable boils down to one thing: prep, prep, prep. 

But don’t make the mistake of trying to prepare for the zombie apocalypse on your own. Let’s be honest – you’re just not capable of making these types of decisions on your own. In fact, nature designed a system to help individuals ( like you ) make better decisions about stuff that’s over your head. That process, known as Swarm Intelligence, is why birds flock, and fish form schools. Simply put, we’re betting off thinking together. Want proof?

We asked a Swarm Intelligence what they, when acting individually, would do in the last moments before the reckoning. As you can see, the results were not particularly inspiring.

Don’t get me wrong. I waste more time on Reddit than anyone has any right to, but this is a problem. When the zombies are closing in, you do not want to be wasting precious seconds in a PS Battle. You’ve got stuff to do, man. If you’re gonna make it, you’ll probably have to defend yourself. Look around you, what weapons do you have on hand?

Now we’re talking. This is the kind of wisdom the Swarm provides. Despite the surprising amount of support for “Breast Implants,” the clear winner in the Best Weapon category is Your Mind. The Swarm knows this, and now you do, too. So, let’s start putting that weapon to good use. Every decision you make now is crucial. So, let’s sharpen the ax a bit. What does the Swarm think your priority should be at the moment of truth?

I feel safer already. Her Majesty the Queen can fend for herself, but you need to get yourself to safety like now. Of course, now you need to decide where you’re going to go to find shelter. Let’s hear some suggestions and see what makes sense.

Hmm. OK, this could work. You’re gonna have food there, obviously, and you can probably fashion some weapons out of the home improvement sections. Yoo-hoo has like a million calories and maybe even a few vitamins, and Twinkies are designed to weather any kind of apocalypse, zombie or otherwise. So, kudos to the Swarm for fighting the urge to head to the movies in these tough times, and even more so for rejecting the sirens’ song of “Steve’s house.” I think we’ve got a chance of pulling through, now that we’re thinking like a team.

In fact, in times of crisis, it’s more important than ever to realize that we’re all in this together. So it’s worth wondering, which potential leader of men has assembled the necessary tools to guide us through these dangerous waters? The two most obvious contenders are Clinton and Trump, poised as they are to be the most likely leaders of the free world. But the Swarm also wanted to see how the beloved senator from Vermont would fare. After all, who better to play the part than the guy who already looks like he’s survived a natural disaster or two this afternoon?

Oh, man. I have to be honest. I did not see that coming. Well, in that case, it kinda doesn’t matter what you do, or who’s leading you. Sweet, sweet death is coming for us all. Good luck out there.